One two three four here we go. There was a love that was lost, what is love. We sing about it, we read about it, actors play the part of the loved and lovers come and go. Love is everywhere but impossible to grab. It is the cleverest rouse ever developed. Love is the yearning of one human for another. Love, the pain that travels inexplicably and endures like no other malady. The mind wanders while the body plays and develops addictions. Where do I find love? The most common place is in the face. A pair of eyes that stare into mine and allow the woman’s soul to travel from her body into mine, and the smile that paralyzes me while she works. My addiction to euphoria is stronger than I was willing to admit. I thought I welcomed pain and sorrow as much as I did bliss, but I was naïve.
Love is like any other drugs I have known. Pleasure exists while your body consumes the substance. The mind metabolizes love and craves to return to a balanced state. The end result is a crash like no other. With drugs the answer is time, but with love to kill the pain you must indulge again. Love breeds in a person the fear that love will not come again. Science will tell you that chemicals in your brain are what make you depressed, and chemicals would also bring you out of that same miserable state of mind. Ah, society strikes again. Artificial cures for natural woes. The body produces what the mind conjures. Therefore I propose that rather than ingesting an ill contrived cocktail of happiness we should resort to the natural healing which is a conscious bliss. A thought carries tremendous power that can be positive or negative. At times it seems reason is not enough to deal with the catastrophe that is a love gone astray.
Up and down, the roller coaster of life is relentless. Nothing is ever good enough for anyone but you. There are those that succeed at manipulating the psyche of the weak, but they too become trapped in the communal thought that exists as society. What is acceptable behavior, what is desirable, what you have that I don’t, that is what I want. I want to know what it is to be you. That is why I like you.
Walk with me down the path to insanity. Together we will explore the dark corners of our minds and shine light on that which we had been warned of. Insanity exists in many forms. Some are more welcomed than others. Insanity is clarity and an acceptance of facts that most forget about. When you realize what life is and my part and your part in the world it becomes easy to forget about work and the advancement of the human race. If you are not for the advancement of the cause you are against it. You become the vehicle by which the message can travel. This message should best be kept hidden from the unprepared, the inexperienced.
What is a man without direction, a lost soul wandering through space and time in an infinite quest for the happiness that has been promised? I see it everywhere, the message is clear; we will make you happy. We know what joy is and we can give it to you. The billboard outside my window boasts a woman whom is sexually appealing and inviting. She could make me happy. The new luxury automobile I saw today might help me be happy. There are so many things I need to be happy, like a new suit, single breast, tapered at the waist, with slits at the sides. I saw a happy man wearing one just like it. He walked by and was smiling.
I know what you want but I don’t know what I want. You know what we want, but you don’t know what you want. Think about it.
I’m just sitting here wasting air and taking up space. Fuck, we think too much, we should just react. Our minds are our only predators. We feed on each other because no other animal can.
I am unhappy because the situation merits it. I am incomplete in your eyes; therefore I must not be content. How can I make you happy so that I can be happy?
Can I exist alone? What would it be like to think without input from other sad souls to distract my thought and opinions? Yes, you are also sad and needful. Tell me that I am right. No! It is not possible to live alone. So what is the answer? Happiness is impossible. The mind will not allow it. Your body, my body, reacts to the chemicals introduced to it by the mind. The combination of the senses, taste, sight, smell, touch and sound are our conscious in the physical and they react to our mind through the secretion of the juices. My receptors eagerly await the deployment of what will be my mood for the day. Life is finite, the universal rule that everything will end. My brain will make me happy as long as it can, and when there is no more juice to pump through synapses I will drop, slide down the downward spiral that is a mood swing, like the clouds swallowing up the sun, the rain begins to pour and saturate my world.
Have you ever wondered what was making you blue? Pain exists because there will always be an equal and opposite reaction. Up and down, eternally, or finitely (I will not argue physics), until we too run down and end. Time is a circle that is slowing down and will stop, but until it does we will pass through the same thing, undulating on invisible patterns that our minds disregard through hope. Embrace reality. You are the key. Up and down is inevitable. It is as true as the color green, yellow and red.
I have been told that I am a combination of physical phenomena, but my spirit cannot be explained.
Where does my thought begin? When do I stop reacting and start acting?
What is the blueprint of a thought and who is the carpenter? There will always be too many questions and not enough time. I was unfortunate enough to have stumbled through the door at the end of serenity. Unfortunate enough to have entered of my own free will into the world that is a question, why? Always repeated but never answered; why? Well who cares. There is a way that has been charted by predecessors. But I shall reiterate, there is no life without contrast. Live and let live. The roller coaster just pulled up, the whiskey has been drunk, and I’m ready for the ride.