Insomnia, Part III

insomnia

Lying awake at night I have so many thoughts going through my head,

Impulses that I feel I have to act on, do anything, rather than just lie thinking;

Thinking, that one action which causes me to stir, above all, ache,

Thinking, about nothing, everything , who knows what?

Lying and thinking, the two should be so sweet, but can sting and linger

The pain breaking my peace, shattering my hope, that one thought

Creeps into my mind, digs a hole, the walls cave in, a dark abyss,

An all engulfing force that buries my soul.

How do we lose control of our thoughts? How do I lose control?

My emotions become alien to me, I’m pulled from outside,

Tossed in any direction, like being caught in a whirlwind

Thoughts furl up and down, trying to find a bearing, a direction.

Its too difficult to lie and think, so I’d rather numb myself,

Knock myself out, slowly, with one drink, but that’s not enough,

The first drink only warms me up, but I can still think,

One more for good luck,

The second drink goes down easier, and my spirits lift a bit,

Higher, off the cold ground.

Now I can start to doze on the lofty clouds, find a thread of peace to hold onto,

Now fly a little higher, flap my arms, push up, and the sour mash goes down

One more to lift me up, and I see the angels fly by, in unison

They invite me to play with them, and I merrily agree.

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